Well, looking ahead at my finances for the next couple of weeks, I think I've reached the conclusion that I am now Officially Fucked. I think I can keep my car from being repossessed for another month, and pay my rent for the next two weeks. What I can't do is do those things and also have any money left over to buy gasoline and a few other things I need to actually do work to earn more money. I've extended both my commercial and personal credit about as far as I think it can go, and I have no idea where else I can turn for help. I also have a strong feeling I don't really deserve more help.
Let's face it: I don't like working. I like having money, but I am not motivated by money, in the sense that if you give me a choice between working another hour for another ten or twenty bucks or going home early, "going home early" almost always sounds like the better option. (And if the choice is between working an hour or sleeping in another hour, the contest isn't even close.) Which is one reason why my current job is not a very good fit for me.
I can't really blame my situation on anyone but myself, and maybe not even entirely on myself. Well, that's not true: I could blame a lot of people, and a lot of circumstances. But it boils down to the fact that I owe money in so many directions that I don't see how I can possibly get caught up in any realistic way.
All I can ask is that people who have kids with emotional problems or bad work habits, do something about it now. Maybe it's never too late, but it sure feels too late for me at the moment.
Your Christmas/Hanukkah Present/ NOIR, Chapter One
10 months ago